STOP CRYING

STOP CRYING

A TRUE STORY





















STOP CRYING


A novel by
KOOPER SALMO


A true story told from a first point of view.


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Copyright @ 2007 by Kooper Salmo

Ninety-five previous Cavicorn printings
Library Congress Catalogue
ISBN 8-399-34584-9
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA


Contents

Chapter 1. ...........................page 5
Chapter 2. Age 5 …………… 9
Chapter 3. Age 6 …………….12
Chapter 4. Age 7 …………….20
Chapter 5. Age 8 …………….29
Chapter 6. Age 9 …………….43
Chapter 7. Age 10 …………....61
Chapter 8. Age 11 …………....82
Chapter 9. Age 12 …………....100
Chapter 10. Age 13 …………..109
Chapter 11. Age 14 …………..122
Chapter 12. Age 15 …………..131
Chapter 13. Age 16 …................137
Chapter 14. Age 17 …………..141
Chapter 15. Age 18 ………..…146
Chapter 19. Age 19 ………..…150
Chapter 17. Age 20 ………..…159
Chapter 18. Age 21 ……..……165
Chapter 19………. .……….…170
Epilogue ……………………..172



A true story about a troubled boy growing up with an extremely distressed family and an untamed mother who suppressed and self medicated her mental illness by inflicting pain on her children!













Chapter 1
I wish they would turn the heat on in this filthy jail, it’s like an ice chest in my room, and this nasty wool table cloth for a blanket wouldn’t keep a squirrel warm. My roommate Mr. Bradley tells me not to sleep against the cold wall; he says the concrete bricks are what make my arm throb with pain throughout the day. He’s much older than me; Mr. Bradley preaches for hours. Maybe that’s a good thing; he keeps me from having a mental breakdown. Mr. Bradley’s always lecturing me about how I need to be a better person and find God, and no matter how hard or unfair I think my life is I make the choices that write the story of my future. He wants to know how we ended up in the same room together.
I’ll start my story as far back as I can remember. I come from a family of seven; mom, dad, four boys and one girl, I’m the second to the youngest. My parent’s marriage was arranged by close family acquaintances, they only knew each other for about a month before their wedding day.
I just learned how to walk a couple of years ago. The year is 1983; my family lived in a small three bedroom home in Oak Park, MI, We were all sitting on the carpet, around my little brother Frank who just recently began teething. It was early in the morning, the sun was shinning through the window, and everyone had a smile on their face, and a glass of grape Kool-Aid with extra sugar to jumpstart our hyperactive body’s, I drank my juice out of a small blue sipping cup with a built in straw. Mom made up a new game for us to play. We all took turns trying to put our fingers in Frank’s mouth, and pulling it out, fast enough not allowing him to catch our fingers with his teeth. My sister Julie sat next to me, she’s the oldest. She put her thumb in his mouth, maybe thinking it wouldn’t hurt because the thumb is thicker than the finger, that’s a special moment, because it was a rare occasion to even get a glimpse of her. I will get to that later. Back to the finger game, it was really exciting. I saw my sister’s thumb getting crunched by Frank’s teeth, and she started screaming for him to let go, as he did, but he took his time making sure he made it hurt enough. It was my turn, I figured I would pull away so fast, he couldn’t catch it. I was mistaken, he had me on the first try, and it hurt so much, I begged for mercy, paralyzed, yelling “ok stop, stop!,” again, he made sure I was in serious pain. When he finally let go of my finger, it looked bent, crunched and it would not move, my whole hand was throbbing for about ten seconds or more. Luckily there wasn’t any blood or torn skin. It was more like slamming your finger in a car door feeling. I was so happy when it worked again, when I stood up I felt a warm wet feeling seeping down my leg, I was so terrified that I had wet myself. He laughed and giggled at me, along with everyone else, the more hurt I looked the happier he was. I would say that was the first sign of evil in him, and there was much more in this family. That was the last time we ever played that game.






Chapter 2
Age 5
It’s a good thing George told me that I’m five years old now. While normal kids my age wait all year for their birthdays to come around, mine nearly passed me bye. We didn’t celebrate holidays that would cause my parents to spend money. I never saw presents, a cake or a celebration, and it’s not because we were very poor, I knew we were on welfare and received food stamps, and both my parents didn’t work, but if mom wanted to, she could have baked a cake or something, just to let me know it was my day.
Now it was time for me to start going to school, I didn’t speak any English, I was born in America and both my parents came to this country at about the age of twenty, but they didn’t teach me how to speak English, maybe it’s because they didn’t know how to speak English themselves. It’s my first day at school, my dads name is George; he took me to my kindergarten class. I wouldn’t go inside without him. He was a great dad and probably the only one in my family who cares about me. I didn’t have to be rocket scientist at the age of five to know my mom didn’t love me, not that my dad ever said it, but I knew he did.
He walked me in the class room, it was full of kids and a few parents, they were all sitting around a big circle, and all the kids were screaming and laughing, the same way they would act on the playground. I just stood and held Georges hand with one arm, and the other around his knee. I wasn’t letting him leave me there with all those strangers. I didn’t know if George would come back or not. He said he would leave me here, and be back in a few hours, but what if he didn’t, should I trust him, I didn’t like the idea. He finally got me to sit down, but I kept one eye looking at him, with the other on the teacher.
A couple of hours had past; George was the only parent in the room. He tried to slip away to the door several times, but I cried and ran towards him at full speed, locking both arms around his leg with a death grip, the best one a little kid can give. He never made it past the doorway. It took three full days before I finally allowed him to leave, it wasn’t easy but I did it.




Chapter 3
Age 6
Schools out and its summer time, that year wasn’t so bad; I can’t wait for the next school year. George is taking us to the city park, I love playing on the big metal train, there’s a big bell in the caboose, and John always rings the bell, he said when we hear it, we have to report to the train’s engine room. Dad pushes us on the swings for hours, Kayser goes the highest and I get so scared, he pull’s leaves off of the branches when he gets really high. John always jumps the farthest while swinging, George gets mad when we try to leap off the swing, and he thinks we’ll break our legs or necks.
John brought his kite with him, he connected four spools of string together, we can hardly see the kite; it’s like the size of a grain of sand flying in the sky. Kayser told Frank and I to follow him up the hill, it’s very high, and we can overlook the whole park from the top. Once we reached the top Kayser was lying on his side, and rolled down the steep hill out of control, Frank and I also imitated Kayser’s idea, and when we got to the bottom, it took a few minutes before the earth would stop spinning, when it was all over, we did it again. After the park George took us to dairy treat, I always get vanilla ice cream with extra sprinkles. Were exhausted from playing, we all rushed to our beds, moms arguing with George not to take us to the park, she says were all dirty, and she has to wash all our bed sheets.
It’s a new day, my three brothers and I share a room, I sleep on the bottom of the bunk bed, and Frank slept on the top. Kayser and John slept on two other beds side by side, and there is a narrow walking space in the center. My oldest brother John is eleven years old. He’s always messing around with anything electrical, taking apart some sort of toy, from cars, airplanes or broken walki talkies, as long as it has an engine or some sort of light inside he’ll take it apart. I watched him connect a battery to an engine and it started spinning in circles. He was extremely excited. I was immediately inspired it was like a scientific breakthrough, I wanted to learn how it worked, and it was the most interesting thing I ever seen. I wanted to try it, I sat across from him, and he had a shoe box with all sorts of mechanical broken toy parts all laid over the tiny floor space. So I picked up a battery and an engine tha ----------------
I placed my hands over my face, trying to block the punches coming at my head, face and body. I looked up at John with sorrow hoping he would stop, still keeping my guard up, using my hands to block any future punches, than John started yelling at me, “what the hell do you think your doing” still punching any unblocked area, that I was unable to cover up. It hurt, and I started crying, I didn’t understand what I did wrong. My older brother Kayser started laughing at me, getting close to my face, then they both surrounded me mocking my weeping and screaming, “buy some batteries,” saying it over and over again, yelling extremely loud, I could feel the shower of spit coming out of their mouths and onto my face as they danced around me laughing and kicking me whenever they felt like it. Frank was on the top of the bunk bed cheering them on like a cheerleader at a football game, he was too small to join in on the celebration, and if he was older he would be right next to them. I was puzzled wondering what I did wrong, I tried to get out of the room, but every time I stood up, I got pushed to the floor hitting my head on the wooden post of the bed. I stayed on the floor, so I wouldn’t cause even more pain, making things worse for my self. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do, so I stopped weeping, they finally got uninterested, and left me alone. Now I can go tell my parents, what horrible things they’d done to me. “Mom, John hit me,” I tried to make my self tear up and look sad, so I can get some justice, it really did hurt, even thou an hour had passed since my escape, it would’ve been sooner but I was held captive, like a prisoner out numbered buy his enemy’s. Mom was watching her soap opera, on a small ten inch black and white TV, sitting Indian style on the thin carpeted kitchen floor, she wasn’t even listening to me, maybe she didn’t hear me, so I said it again, this time much louder, “Mom they hit me,” she finally turned and looked at me, with a angry face, yelling loud enough to make me terrified, making sure I stopped my whining “Shut the hell up”, “your making me miss my show you little shit.” I was in shock, She didn’t even care, fine; I will go tell my dad. He was lying on his bed, in his white underwear, with a few holes in them, and a small brown stain on the rear, not that I could see it, he was laying on his back picking the lint out of his belly button, and twisting what he picked out into a small ball, flicking it on to the floor like it was a way of grooming himself while he lay in bed. I said. “George, John and Kayser hit me!” He stopped and looked at me, he didn’t say a word, and started pulling the hairs out of his nose, the ones he could get a hold of with two fingers, smiling when he got one, like he had just caught a fish, or found a dollar on the floor. “Do something now, they hit me.” He sat up putting his feet on the floor and started to march for the door. They’ll see there in big trouble now, I said to myself. He turned left instead of right walking into the bathroom not shutting the door; he started to pee with his back facing me, now I could see the brown stain on his underwear. He said don’t go by them they’re stupid, his tone of voice was peaceful, not even slightly angered from the incident. That’s the best he could do, that’s it, he wasn’t going to hit them like they hit me. I wanted him to at least say something to them so they wouldn’t do it again. I think he wanted to do something, but John was his favorite kid. He took him everywhere with him, not that he ever went anywhere, other than mostly my grandmothers house in Detroit. Well that was the best he could do, he gave me those few words, advising me not to play with them.











Chapter 4
Age 7
Mom woke us up at five o’clock in the morning, she said we had to get ready; we were going to Mackinaw Island. We didn’t know what that was; when the whole family was in the car, she told us there weren’t any cars on the island, people used horses to travel. The only island I ever seen was Gilligan’s Island. I never saw a horse in real life, only on TV. George told us there were big lakes of water as far as we could see, with big waves and boats everywhere. I was so excited I never seen the water, or hardly ever left the house, except on a bike and I never went past the school which was about one mile away. I sat in-between Frank and Julie, we all leaned our heads on each others shoulders as we slept. I never drove in a car early in the morning, it sounds a lot different when there aren’t any cars on the road, and you can hear the tires riding on the highway, it’s like this low pitched humming noise. I tried to sleep but every ten minutes John and Kayser amused themselves by tapping me on the shoulder, flicking my ear or pulling my hair.
It was everything they said it would be. There were horses everywhere, I loved the sound of there feet as they tap-danced on the cement and galloped down the street. I couldn’t believe how much they pooped, and people would walk around with a dust pan and clean it up. People were dressed like pilgrims and Indians. George bought us ice cream as we walked from shop to shop; there were so many people on the island. This fat guy was riding his bike on the sidewalk, he almost ran Frank over, George grabbed frank out of the way so fast, and Frank’s ice cream fell on the ground. He started crying, so I gave him some of mine. We slept in a small one room motel near the water, it was dark outside but the moon was bright. George walked me and Frank on these big boulders, as the waves smashed against them, leaving a cool mist in the air. In the hotel room there was a big bed and when you put a quarter in this slot, the bed would vibrate, I tried to speak and it sounded like I was stuttering, it was the weirdest feeling. I couldn’t wait to get home and draw all the new things I had seen.
Throughout the year the beatings from my older brothers continued, at least three times a week, and on the other four days, mom joined in on the excitement, she couldn’t let me have a day of being joyful, since she was so depressed and miserable. She had some sort of mental problem, she would find any excuse to hit me and my brothers and sometimes herself, it brightened her day to see us cry, and the sooner we cried, the sooner it would be over. This one day mom obtained a new child development tool, a thick wooden rod, to demonstrate her great parenting skills, I don’t know where she got it from, but dam that thing hurt worse than any belt, hand or punch. It was surely a tool straight from Satan himself; I would rather take a beating from John or Kayser any day. She didn’t want to hurt her own hand while she executed her abusive cruelty, so she used weapons to inflict pain. We all feared mom, but nobody got it like me, maybe once in a blue moon her violent rage would be so intense that when she was done with me there would be some leftovers and one of my other brothers would get a smack or a whip of the belt.
One time, after leaving my dinner plate on the floor, I proceeded to the bedroom to play the Atari. She came in the room in a rage like somebody just beat the hell out of her, and she was coming for payback, holding that wooden stick, she swung it any which way, the first step I would always take while under a brutal attack was to close my eyes and pray for a miracle. I knew I’d better protect my face, because that’s where mom usually delivers most of the blows. I realized it didn’t matter if I blocked the strikes; this new weapon was awful, it hit my arms & legs and it hurt like nothing I had ever felt before. Mom then turned and started beating Kayser and John for no reason, it was my plate, and she new it, but she didn’t care, there was no stopping her once she got started, there was no sense in trying to waste my breath, besides, I was busy crying god forbid I stop crying, that would mean a few extra whacks, not even Jesus could stop the attack unless god sent him back to earth in a tank. She would always scream at the top of her lungs saying some type of phrase, like, “you made me cry you will die,” or “you make my blood boil,” that was her favorite line or pulling her hair out of her head, while sometimes punching her self in her chest, I’m telling you, there was something seriously wrong, when she went crazy it was enough to make a grown man wet his pants, and believe me I usually did, it was freaking scary. We were all crying for hours, John suggested a plan, he said we had to work together on this one, we didn’t know if we would survive another one of those attacks. When she finished her rampage, Kayser followed her to where she hid the devils weapon; she had put it in a cabinet in the grocery room, they had decided I would be the one to destroy it, because I would be the one to get it the worst in the future. We waited about three hours; hopefully she would be calm by then. She was watching TV in the living room. I walked out the front door instead of taking the back door, not to make her aware of the plan, she would surely suspect something if I had went anywhere near the wooden sword. Heading for the backyard to the side of the house, I entered the side door quietly creeping like a tiger, I opened the cabinet. It was exactly were Kayser said it would be. I grabbed the stick, and bent it as hard as I could, snapping the stick in two, still holding the door with my foot, throwing the evidence on the floor. I ran with my life as fast as I could, I knew if I waited a couple of hours that would give her time to cool down a little, her temper wouldn’t be so awful. It was getting dark and I had two go home after playing with my friend Clint most of the day; he lived around the block from me. I entered the house with a fear in my heart as I passed mother sitting on the couch, and I couldn’t believe it, there was no assault, something was wrong. I walked to my bedroom, John and Kayser looked sad and bruised, there was a battle, and they had the war wounds to prove it. When I asked what had happened. Kayser told me John tried telling her what I had done to her stick. I realized they used me to destroy it; they tried to back stab me five minutes after I ran out the door. Mom went into one of those wild rages, you know the kind when she pulls some hair out of hear head, that’s when you know your in deep shit, she beat both of them with about ten whips a piece, using George’s belt, let me tell you it was a big belt, with a huge metal buckle and guess what part of the belt she used to strike? Thank god I wasn’t around. I probably would’ve received nineteen of the twenty whips and mom would’ve split the last one between Kayser and John. I don’t know if I could have survived after that damn stick incident, well, somebody had to be punished for the crime.
Frank was too young for her to beat on, and mom would never hit Julie her only daughter, besides she spent every day locked in her room, we nick named it the dungeon, except she held her self prisoner, instead of somebody forcing her in the chamber.







Chapter 5
Age 8
George brought home a live chicken today from the farmers market, he said, when he was a kid his family had all kinds of farm animals. We all loved the chicken so much, John named her Henny, and she had white feathers with black spots on them. We built her a small chicken house out of scrap wood for the walls and a plastic orange sled for the roof, the backyard was enclosed with a fence so she couldn’t get out, although she did fly on the roof a few times, mostly when you tried to chase her and she didn’t want to be caught. I got a small rope and made a collar around her neck, but she would slip out very easily, Kayser told me I had to put it around her leg, and it worked, I walked her around the block as if she was a dog on a leash. Mom said we had to be careful because if the neighbors found out we had a chicken, the police would take Henny away. When it got chilly at night we would let her sleep in the garage where it was much warmer. This one morning Frank came in the house with an egg, he said he found it in Henny’s cage; mom was also excited she cracked it and put it in a frying pan. I was really upset I wanted to put it back so we could have a baby. She continued making several more eggs throughout the month, I had a plan, I woke up and ran to the garage to get one of the eggs before mom could cook and eat the baby chick before it had a chance to grow. I finally got one of the eggs. I hid it in my pocket and put it under my pillow, I told Kayser my plan and he promised to keep the secret because he also wanted a baby chicken. After two weeks past and still no chick, I decided to give it to my dad, as soon as he cracked the egg, the worst stench I ever smelled filled the room George grabbed the pan and threw it outside like it was a grenade ready to explode. Mom opened every window in the house as fast as she could. George said, “Where the hell did you get that egg from! I just shrugged my shoulders while holding my nose. Kayser said, “He was hiding it under his pillow so the baby would come out,” but George said it wouldn’t become a chick because Henny didn’t have a husband.
One day my uncle Jim brought his family over to visit. He was always nice to everyone, Jim was about five feet five inches tall, with a big belly, he’s my dad’s older brother, my dad and all his brothers are skinny as hell but they all look like there pregnant, it makes me laugh when I think about it. At least a woman gets rid of her baby in nine months they’re stuck with theirs; He drove up in his new black Cadillac. Jim had more money than anyone I ever new, not that I knew many people, he would always pull out a big roll of money, I never knew how he fit that in his pocket, it was literally the size of a new roll of toilet paper, with a oversized rubber band around it, seriously it always had the shape of a circle. As soon as Jim drove up in the drive way, he would get out of the car, and start passing out five or ten dollar bills, we all got around him like a bunch of piranhas. There was a lot of pushing and shoving. Jim had a big family, seven kids nine people all together, even his children got in on the frenzy. I was so happy, I had five dollars that was a lot of money to me, since my only way of making money was collecting bottles, or raking the neighbor’s yard for a few bucks. My older brothers asked my cousin Jr if he wanted to go to the store. Jr is Jims only son, he’s ten years old. The store was about two blocks away, and I started to follow them. I got to the end of the yard, before John sent his goon Kayser to make me go back, that usually meant using deadly force first, talk later. Kayser hit me hard with about two punches to the back causing me to lose my breath. I was in a lot of pain, then he yelled in my face, “you can’t hang punk “, his breath smelled like the horse poop stinking up the small city back on Mackinac Island. I didn’t even cry, it took more than that to make me cry. After the past year, I was able to “take the pain” that’s what we called it when you get hit really hard, but showed no feelings of being hurt. So I kept following, and John didn’t like that his hit man couldn’t do the job, so he had to take care of it himself. John turned towards me and gave me a running kick to the stomach, which was the straw that broke the camels back. I was down on the sidewalk half way on the grass, but it wasn’t over; he came at me with a series of punches to the face. He made sure I was done following them to the store. Not that I wasn’t allowed to go to the store, just not when they were going. As I walked towards the house, mom had heard about the money that had been given to us, mom pulled me to the side where nobody could hear her, she said, “Fork it over”. I quickly ran away, and hid the cash under my parent’s mattress. Mom would never find it, and I wouldn’t give it to her. I than walked to the back door of the house, Holly, Jenny, Brandy and Tess were playing in the back yard. They’re Jim’s daughters. It was a hot summer day, we had a small blue plastic pool, it was only about a foot deep, and Holly had the garden hose spraying all of us as we ran past her to get to the pool, it was about ninety degrees, the water from the hose, was still extremely cold, you didn’t want to get sprayed too much. Henny was busy pecking for food in the dirt, we couldn’t understand how she knew there was a worm hiding under the dirt, maybe she had x-ray vision. They loved Henny too, Brandy picked her up and threw her in the pool, and I don’t think Henny liked the water, because she went crazy. We played until the sun went down, it started getting dark, and my uncle Jim came back to pick up his kids, I was sad when they were all leaving it was always fun when any of my cousins came to visit. Mom locked the dead bolt on the door as soon as Jim left the house, John, Kayser, Frank and I were in the bedroom playing Atari on our little twelve inch color TV, I would get a turn after John and Kayser had about three turns, that was good enough for me, I was happy to get one chance to play, I didn’t complain, It wouldn’t do any good, I didn’t want to take a beating, so I accepted it. A few minutes had past and mom was standing in the door way starring at us like we were in serious trouble, I didn’t think I had done anything bad like leaving my shoes on the living room floor or a cup on the table, I tried to think quickly hoping it wasn’t me, but I knew its always my fault, even if it wasn’t, she just stood there with this evil look, stomping her foot every second like she was getting impatient, building up some crazy thought in her mind, getting more vicious buy the second. I could feel my heart drop into my stomach, with every foot stomp vibrating through my body like an earthquake. “Oh no”, I realized, I had refused to give her the money earlier that day, Kayser was closest to her, near the door, he sat frozen in his chair, but wasn’t playing the video game anymore, how could he, that would be like Freddy Kruger standing in the door way ready to slash your face in pieces, you cant just ignore it. A huge vein surfaced on her forehead and it was beating and pulsating like a tiny throbbing heart. Mom spoke in a bloodcurdling voice, “Where’s the money”, saying it so fearful she only wants to say it once, because if she repeats it, all hell will break loose. Kayser replied with the wrong answer, he said, I spent it all at the store, with his head facing hers looking directly in her bloodshot red eyes trying to convince her with his lie, but mom could see his chin wrinkled up, and shaking at the same time. Mom turned around and walked out of the room calmly, we were all so happy, we were all cheering in our minds silently, besides, I already had planned to buy some crazy bread for me and my friend Clint the next day, there wasn’t going to be a beat down or anything, the coast was clear about ten minutes past, and mom charged in the room like a wild Spanish bull, seeking vengeance on a brutal matador. Mom slammed the door behind her, so there would be no escape, Kayser got a huge slap, followed by a kick, as he quickly hit the floor posturing in a fetal position as his only defense, then mom started poking him with her fingers, I tried to understand what she was doing to him, because every time she touched him with her fingers he screamed like a baby, he kept pleading with her to stop, I never seen him cry like that before, with every touch he yelled louder and louder. He finally emptied his pockets as fast as he could, dropping some change on the floor, he gave her the last three dollars he had, I pulled the blanket over my head, peeking with one eye praying she wouldn’t see me, John also quickly surrendered the last dollar he had, after the first touch of her fingers on his hand, I don’t know what she was doing with her finger, but I wasn’t going to give it up that easy, no way in hell. She stood over me looking down at me her eyes squinted, and a small evil smirk on her face, with no warning she begin to use her fingers again, pushing them as hard as she could against my skin, I felt a horrible feeling on my arm, than she repeatedly kept doing it, I screamed after the first one, at least seven more followed, in her hand she had a sewing needle, that had just stabbed me all over my body, she stuck it so deep in some places hitting my bone, there was blood coming out of every hole, I would have surrendered after the first wound, but once she started the attack, it wasn’t up to me when the assault would end. I knew if I had resisted, mom wouldn’t stop until she got what she was after. George opened the door, to see what all the screaming was about; we were all weeping, except Frank, who had already gave her the money when she asked him to do so earlier. My dad yelled at the top of his lungs, “are you crazy your going to kill them,” it was to late, the attack had already ended, mom wouldn’t dare hit us in front of George, I knew I would always be safe as long as he was around, she told him to settle down, we need the money so we could buy a new TV. George gave her a dirty look, Mom turned and walked past George nudging his stomach that blocked the doorway. He didn’t like how she treated us, but mom knew he never got physical, not that he was scared of her, he was twice her size, and if he wanted to, one hit would send her to the ground.
It was now November it was starting to snow. I suggested we bring Henny in the house because she was freezing outside. Mom walked over to the bedroom to tell George my idea, “So I thought.” He marched to the kitchen and opened the drawer, grabbed a steak knife, and headed for the backyard. What are you doing I said, Kayser was crying for him not to kill her, but there was no stopping him. I should have kept my fat mouth shut. He grabbed Henny by the neck, we begged him to stop, crying and pleading for her life. George ignored our plea; mom had sent him on a mission which he had to complete. He placed the blade under her neck and with one slice removed her head; I was horrified I cried even more watching Henny run around in circles bleeding and then her body collapsed on the blood splattered snow. I ran to my bedroom and wept all day, I was so upset, I promised myself never to talk to George again. The next day George took Henny to my Grandmothers house and they cooked her. A couple weeks later I forgave him. George told me God put chickens on earth for us to eat. I knew I had ate lots of chicken, but Henny was different she was my friend.













Chapter 6
Age 9
I’m so excited, we bought a VCR today, we didn’t have cable and there was never anything on TV to watch. I think I’m one of the first people to have a VCR in my school, we even got to pick out our own cartoon tape, I got a Mutt & Jeff video, I watch it any chance I get. The first day of having the VCR my mom made us popcorn on a big frying pan, my brothers and I watched our cartoons and a movie called Commando all day long.
Time to get ready for school, I opened the cabinet door where we had all our clothes, they were in a big pile unfolded on the floor of the closet. We usually all shared our shirts and pants, as long as they fit. We never fought over clothes because mom always bought lots of them, most of our cloths came from big church sales, we would always go to those events almost twice a month, we would get this huge brown bag, and you could fill it up with what ever you wanted to. I would usually fill my bag with toys or electronics, and it would only cost one dollar. Back to getting ready for school, first I have to eat breakfast; it’s the same thing everyday, an orange block of government supplied welfare cheese, dad cuts the slices and puts them between the bread with scrambled eggs. It was good the first time I ate it, but after eating them for five years straight, the cheese start to taste like cardboard and the eggs taste like shit, however George acts like its steak and shrimp.
After breakfast I got dressed and took my bath, John wants to take a bath so I quickly move giving him space to walk past me, he acts like he’s some sort of king or mob boss, I move out of the way, I’m not in the mood for a good morning punch to the belly. Not moving out of the way can get me one of those.
Ever since I can remember John’s cheeks have been red, like somebody powdered some makeup on his face; I would try to bite my tongue before I spoke about his cheeks, because it could mean death. When I call him red cheeks, I usually say it in my mind, no matter how mad I get, I keep it there.
We only have one bathroom in this house, and I have to remember George’s advice from a few years ago to not go by him. As I lean on the sink to brush my teeth in front of the mirror, I noticed I had a huge yellow cavity on my front tooth, great, this sucks; you could see it if I smile or talk. I brush my teeth carefully to avoid the cavity; I didn’t want it to hurt. I showed George the enormous cavity that covered more than half of my tooth; he said he would take me to the dentist, as soon as he made an appointment.
I couldn’t wait to get to school, George bought me a key car, getting a new toy was a rare occasion; it’s a small toy car with an orange key, when you insert the key in the back of the car, than squeeze the key, the car shoots out really fast. I couldn’t wait to show Vivian my new toy, she’s my best friend. She lived in this red house right next to the school. There always seems to be that house next to the school, all by itself and everybody knows which kid lives there. We sat next to each other at lunch time, we played together on the playground everyday day, she didn’t really speak any English, Vivian and her family had just came from China less than a year ago. Some of the kids would make fun of her, calling her derogatory names; all she could do was cry. They soon learned not to ever say anything to her in front of me. One time we were playing on the monkey bars, and James Stench this little scrawny kid, who sat three seats in front of me in class, was pulling the skin on the sides of his eyes, and constantly calling Vivian a “chink” she put her head down, and tears spilled from her eyes. I got so mad inside and charged him with all my might, knocking him down with the biggest push I could, he fell flat on his ass. I then jumped on top of him, punching him repeatedly in the face at least ten times, when the brawl was over James was the one crying not Vivian. She never thanked me, but she immediately stopped crying, that was good enough for me. We played the rest of recess without bringing up what had happened.
I almost forgot today’s Friday, time for Gym class, so I put the car in my desk, gym is great, we climbed this huge net, and played with this giant Parachute, we all got in a circle and held a piece of the Parachute, then we made it go up and down it was amazing. As soon as we were back in class, I ran to my desk, “Oh no!” I said, my key car was gone, I looked around, maybe it fell out of the desk and onto the floor, I didn’t see it, this was horrible. I told Mrs. Graves immediately, but she asked me to sit down. She said, “Does anyone know where Koopers key car is?” No one answered, and Mrs. Graves quickly continued teaching her class. I couldn’t believe it, was that the only thing she was going to say, she wasn’t going to investigate the crime, this was very serious to me. I was so depressed, I was nearly crying inside, and nobody cared. I spent the rest of the school day burning with anger inside. George came to pick me up after school, I told him what had happened, and he told me to forget about it, it was just a toy. As soon as we got home I ran to my room and cried for what seemed like hours. Later that day my brother Kayser told me to go to class, ask the kids if they knew who took my car, and when you find out, kick their ass. I wasn’t the biggest kid in my class, but I knew how to fight, having three brothers and a crazy mom, I had learned how to defend myself. At school however I seemed to get into fights at least once a week.
The next day, I asked my classmates if anyone had any information about my missing toy, and Rene Mangy told me she saw Dewan Bums go into my desk, and take my key car. He sat right next to me so I immediately accused him and told him when lunch time came he was dead meat. By now I had let so much anger build up I felt I could kill him. He denied that he took my car, probably because he had already taken it home the day before, I tormented him with threats until the bell rang, he was so frightened I swear I could hear his bones shaking. When the bell rang Dewan was nowhere to be found, I looked everywhere for him. I finally found him hiding in the office, he was crying in this green chair up against the wall. I didn’t feel sorry for him for a second; after all he did this to me. I had a fire burning in me that a fire department couldn’t put out. I went to class and waited for school to end; Dewan had this metal bike chain in his desk, he told me if I touched him, he was going to hit me with it. I told Mrs. Graves so he would be defenseless; she immediately took the weapon from him. When the bell rang, I followed him outside. I hit him in the back of the head with a punch, and proceeded to beat him in the face; while I yelled, “give me my key car” I repeated it throughout the entire fight, Dewan tried blocking his face but didn’t do a good job. His face looked like it had been run over buy a truck, and his lip was so swollen he couldn’t stop the blood and drool from pouring from his mouth. After several minutes a teacher broke up the fight, and we found ourselves sitting in the principles office. We sat there for a few minutes then our principal Mr. Servinak came out of his office, he said he didn’t want to hear any more of this, and sent us home. The funny thing was he didn’t hear any of it, not one word, he walked up to us; told us to shake hands and apologize, than he said, go home. I don’t think he really cared at the time, even when we tried to tell our sides of the story, he said, “get out of hear before you miss the bus.” I did exactly as Kayser told me but I still didn’t get my key car back.
A few months had past; Mrs. Graves is teaching us how to multiply. As usual, I was talking when I’m supposed to be listening. She asked me to be quiet; this was the third time she had asked. I leaned to the side and started talking to Sandy, it probably wasn’t important, but all of the sudden Mrs. Graves is standing over me. I looked up scared but frozen, she said stand up, in a terrifying voice, “put out your hand.” Mrs. Graves held a long three foot ruler, with a metal edge on the side tightly in her grasp. I was praying that she was going to measure my hand but I wouldn’t bet on it. From the look on her face she was going to slice my hand off with that ruler, the entire class was silent, I could feel the suspense in the air, like before you go on a scary rollercoaster. I opened the palm of my hand as my whole body was shaking, like I was naked in a snow storm. Mrs. Graves swung that ruler down on the palm of my hand; several students jumped out of their seats from the loud smack, it hurt so bad, I tried to pull away. That made her more enraged, she said, in this serous voice “open your hand”. Again she whacked me two more times, it hurt so bad my thumb was bleeding, and my hand felt like it was on fire. I tried to stay strong and not cry, after all the whole class was watching, they would call me a cry baby. I never saw Mrs. Graves hit anyone before. I just thought it was normal, everybody else beat me. As Mrs. Graves continued teaching, I kept my mouth shut. I started plotting how I could break her ruler; after all I had broken my mom’s weapon, a couple of years ago. One hour before school was out, Mrs. Graves had to make copies for our homework; she left Simon Stench in charge. As soon as she left, I got out of my chair, and snapped her ruler in two. I hurried and put it back on the shelf of the chalk board, and sat back in my seat. That will teach her to hit me. The whole class was in utter shock, they made that taunting sound, “AWWWWW you’re in trouble,” as the yardstick ruler snapped in two. I didn’t care I got my revenge, she could hit me all she wants. When Mrs. Grave came back Simon didn’t tell on me, he was my friend. When the bell rang, we lined up at the door to go home, and she realized her ruler was broken, she demanded to know who did it, while looking straight at me; to my surprise nobody answered her. We were then dismissed. She knew it was me, but she never brought it up again.
School is finally over. I passed the fourth grade. A couple weeks later I decided to go visit Vivian. I knew she lived in that red house on the corner, I road my bike to her house and walked up to the door. There was no door bell, just two metal wires where the door bell was suppose to be, so I touched them together, it must have worked because the door handle started to turn and the door opened. A small skinny man with a bald head looked at me as if he was confused; he was one of those bald guys who grow his hair long from one side of the head, combing it over his shiny bald head. I said, “Can Vivian come out and play?” he looked at me in an angry stare, and said “Vivian no play with boy.” Before I could say another word, he slammed the door in my face. I never saw her again, her family moved away that summer.
A few days later, John Kayser and I were playing with our toys, in the toy room. Kayser told me to smile and asked me what the hell was wrong with my tooth, I said, “It’s a cavity” he laughed at me, and kept pointing and calling me a filthy animal, he said, “That’s not a cavity you retard, that’s a pop corn kernel,” as he smiled from ear to ear. I scratched at it, and he was Wright, it came off. I felt so stupid, that damn thing was on my tooth for four days, if I only would have brushed it, when I was brushing my teeth, it surely would have come off. We went back to playing in the toy room; we had this big wooden toy box with green cotton cloth wrapped around it. John dumped all the toys on the floor, and decided I should get in side, I thought it would be amusing, so I agreed, besides, if I object I would still end up in the box anyways. I got on my hands and knees, and curled up in a ball; he put the box over me, and then sat on it. There was not much room to move around, and I stayed still because I knew getting all exited wasn’t going to do any good, not that I was scared it wasn’t so bad, John and Kayser kicked and jumped on the box making a lot of racket, but I didn’t respond, they must of got bored because they let me out after a few minutes. Since I didn’t react, John told Kayser to get in, he also accepted, he compressed his body in a small posture, but barley fit in the box, he was a little bigger than me, it was a tight fit, and John ordered me to sit on top of the box. I did what I was told. He started pounding on the side walls of the green toy chest, making a huge ruckus. Kayser started screaming immediately after the first minute, I stayed in my place as ordered and the banging continued for five more minutes. John had this huge smile on his face, like this was the greatest idea in the world. He loved every second of it. Kayser continued to shout, I couldn’t hear what he was saying, John was so happy, and this was a celebration. I knew Kayser was crying, and trying to kick what little room he had to kick with. I started getting worried, I had a bad feeling in my stomach, and he was in serious trouble. I quickly jumped off the box, and John jumped on, giving me an evil eye as I ran for the door, he said, “I didn’t say you could get off the box,” I ran to get some help, “Mom”, I shouted at the top of my lungs, “Hurry, hurry Johns killing Kayser. “Mom was washing the dishes, she immediately stopped what she was doing, and ran as fast as she could to the room. She tackled him of his throne; John looked like humpty dumpty falling off the brick wall. John was on the ground with a smile on his face, as if he just left the toy store with a huge bag of toys. Mom quickly took the box off of Kayser he was exhausted, his face was blood red, and purple, he rolled over on his back gasping for air, crying at the same time, taking huge long breaths. I stood in the door way my little heart beating a million miles a minute, mom turned to John, she delivered smack after punch to Johns face and body. She beat him until her hand was ready to fall off; he really got it bad the attack lasted for at least four minutes. I never saw her go that wild, this was twice as bad as her normal rages, mom gave him everything in her arsenal, mom saved Kayser but who was going to save John, I even got scared for him, before it was over, I ran and hid behind the couch, where my dad was watching TV, for god sake what if she came after me, who knows, anything could happen. I waited a long time for the coast to clear, I entered our bedroom slowly peeking my head inside, I wasn’t sure if John was going to get even with me for telling, but I had to, he was going to kill Kayser. I walked to my bed and pulled the cover over my body. I could hear John whining like a baby under his blanket, it was at least three hours later, and he was still crying, that was the mother ship of all the beat downs in history, and I witnessed it. Kayser turned and whispered to me, “he has a black eye,” he was smiling so much you could see every tooth in his mouth. I knew he was thankful that I got help, he never said so, but I could see it in his never ending smile.










Chapter 7
Age 10
It’s early in the morning, about seven thirty, moms standing in the bedroom doorway blaring, “Wake up for school,” I’m sure she can’t wait to have us out of the house. I would get up as fast as I could, to get to the bathroom first; I had to get ready quickly because I never knew when somebody might pull my hair, and kick me out of the wash room, that’s just the way it was. I had the door locked while I got ready; it usually bought me more time. I was using the bathroom, number two, and Kayser starts banging on the door like a mad man. I said hold on I’m taking a shit. He didn’t stop banging forcing me to open the door; my pants still bellow my knees. I wasn’t finished and he ran over to the toilet, looked in the bowl and yelled, “it’s a fluke theirs no poop, you were jacking off”. He started blaring as if he had a megaphone “the shit went in the hole,” I would soon hear that saying for many years to come, along with “buck teeth” and “pop corn cavity kernel tooth” and anything else they could come up with. I felt awful. I was only trying to use the bathroom, but when I tried to verbally defend my self, it always made things worse.
I’m in the fifth grade now, mom took us shopping. She bought Kayser John and I new grey stonewashed pants, and these brown suede leather jackets. I’m so relieved that I don’t have to wear my old pink jacket with a picture of a care bear on the back of it, at school I was referred to as Swiss cheese boy, because of the numerous holes in my jacket. K-mart must have had a clearance sale because mom bought them for all of us, it was real leather you could smell it. That’s how kids in school would know it was real.
We have a new student in my class today her name is Cindy Wilson, the teacher sat her desk next to mine, she moved here from Arizona, she’s really nice we talked all day in class and played on the playground together. I couldn’t wait for art class to start, it was my favorite. Mr. Snippety is the art teacher; he wants us to draw a picture of our family, I drew seven figures with a fire behind us, the teacher looked disturb, he asked me to redo it without the scenic view of hell in the background. All the kids were busy drawing their sketches; it was so quiet the only thing the class could hear was fat Bobby Boosa inhaling and exhaling heavily while sitting in the corner by himself. After Tommy Tits spread a rumor that Bobby never brushed his teeth in his life, and that his dad taught him sign language so he wouldn’t have to smell his breath when they communicated to one another, most of the kids kept there distance from Bobby after that. I was coloring my picture with crayons while sitting in an odd position with my knees on top of the stool, and all of a sudden a very loud rumbling burst of air blew out of my ass. The entire class started laughing, and before I could deny it, the sound of thirty chairs screeched away from me, I was left in the center of the room like a clown in a circus spectacle. Even Cindy Wilson scooted her chair away from me while holding her shirt over her nose, all I could say was, it wasn’t me, but nobody could hear me, the giggling was to loud, even Mr. Snippety was almost on the floor from laughing so hard. At that moment I felt so disgraced, I just wanted to disappear of the face of the earth. After that day I was known as Mr. Hurricane farts.
A couple months later at recess, I was playing on the play ground with Calvin and Ralph, there was this three foot pole mounted to the ground, a standing swing would mount on it, when you stand on it, and it would spin in circles but somebody must have removed the mounted swing, I ran up and grabbed the pole hugging it close to my body, and I even tried to climb it. All the kids were laughing and pointing. I didn’t realize why they were so amused, when I looked at my hands and shirt; I was covered with a greasy black tar. I was terrified, tears fell from my eyes. It was all over my face, shirt and pants. I ran at the speed of light, to the front of the school. There were these big green bushes; I quickly hid inside of them. I figured I would wait until school was out so I wouldn’t get caught, I was in huge trouble. I had been hiding for about three hours, I couldn’t stop crying. Mrs. Come let the whole class out for recess before class was dismissed to go home. I peeked out from the bushes and whistled to Sylvia to come over to where I was hiding. I asked if I was in trouble in my whiny voice. I had a huge black stripe of tar from my forehead down to my pants; it was even on my hands. Sylvia said the teacher didn’t even know I was missing, she said, “you should come tell her what happened,” convincing me I wouldn’t get in trouble. Mrs. Come wasn’t upset; she took one look at me and laughed like somebody just told her a funny knock, knock joke. I was sent to the office to wait for my ride, since the bell was going to ring in less than ten minutes and the teacher didn’t bother asking me to clean myself, she couldn’t even remove the small speck of tar that she got on her hand from touching my shirt.
As I entered the car, Georges eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his eye sockets, and then he couldn’t stop laughing, maybe I wasn’t in trouble, everybody who sees the black stuff all over my face cant stop giggling. I made George promise he wouldn’t tell mom. I couldn’t wait to get home and clean it off. I entered the door through the back of the house, I didn’t want mom to see, because I knew she might react differently. Kayser was eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at the kitchen table. I ran past him swiftly. I didn’t want to explain; besides he would just come up with some new phrase so he could get a cheep laugh, and I wasn’t in the mood. I wanted to go straight to the shower. I finally got the sticky tar off my face and body, thanks to George, he gave me some gasoline, he said it should take the tar off and it did. During my long shower I kept thinking about that peanut butter and jelly sandwich Kayser was eating, and I didn’t want to miss tale spin, it was my favorite cartoon. As I was sitting in my dads chair like a king eating my sandwich watching my show, happy as could be. I saw a hand approaching my face from the corner of my eye, and than a bright flash of light, it feels like someone flashed a spotlight in my face, but with lots of pain added to it. After about ten seconds, I stopped seeing mom’s homemade stars. This was different, I couldn’t see out of my other eye, there was jelly and peanut butter in my eyeball, and mom was screaming and yelling, beating her chest like she was King Kong. I covered my face as fast as I could. She then turned around and headed for the bathroom. The assault was over, that was weird only one smack that was the first time in my life I had only received one hit, especially from her. The only reason I could think of, was that mom didn’t want to get any of the smashed sandwich on her hands. She was still violently screaming. I realized she hit me because there was a black residue from the tar in the bathtub. I thought about carrying a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my pocket for protection but I don’t think I could smash it on my face fast enough to block a beating. Mom would probably find a new wooden rod to beet me with, and I don’t want to give her any ideas.
About a week later I was in front of my house playing karate with Frank and our friend Samuel Semen. We would take turns kicking and punching each other, not really hard or anything and we wouldn’t hit each other in the face. He always taught us new moves he learned in his karate class. He was showing us how to defend ourselves if someone tries to kick us, he would catch and hold my foot in mid air and spin kick me in my face. We wanted to be like Bruce Lee. He was our hero. We were playing in the yard, when I saw John running towards the house as fast as he could, screaming “Help! Get George, hurry!” he was still about four houses away, in the street coming towards us. So I ran inside and yelled as loud as I could, “George hurry, they’re hitting John,” John was being chased by this older kid who nick named himself jaguar, and his friend Marty, they were much older about eighteen. As John got closer, he was continually getting struck with punches to the back of his head. John finally fell to the ground about ten feet from the door, covering his face. They kicked and stomped him for several seconds. There was nothing we could do, we were too small. George barged out of the house like superman and pounded jaguar to the ground, with the first punch he flew six feet, his face smacking the cement. George continued to kick his head like a soccer ball, Marty saw George coming and he was smart enough to run for his life. I was so exited, I never saw my dad get that angry. I wished I had that kind of power. When jaguar finally stood up, I swear he didn’t know who or where he was, he stumbled all the way home. John crawled between my dad’s legs finally standing up, with tears spilling down his face, his cheeks red as cherries like they always were. George asked John why the boys tried to assault him, John said he was wining while playing Nintendo, and they just went crazy. John stayed in the house like a coward for several months.
One week later Jaguar spotted me riding my bike near his house, he chased me like a bullet exiting a riffle pushing me to the ground, causing me to scrape my knees and elbow on the blacktop. I tried to peddle as fast as I could, but he would always catch everybody, he prided himself on his fast speed. I tried to deny my brother as Judas did to Jesus, I told him I didn’t even like John, but he knew I was the one who ran in the house to get help. Jaguar held the back of my neck pressing my face in the lawn, shoving grass in my mouth; he said “eat it you little bitch,” I couldn’t scream for help, I was gagged by a wad of grass the size of a baseball. A few minutes past and I was free, I spit out the grass-ball and rode my bike home.
At school during recess, I usually played with my friends, about six of us all together. There was a big group of boys, about twenty that started up a small gang, they were running around extorting lunch money and beating on anybody they wanted. A few days later, my friends and I were playing on the swings, we saw how they were attacking helpless kids, and soon enough it was our turn, we were all on the floor outnumbered, receiving mostly kicks to the back as others searched our pockets for valuables. I was the only one to fight back, and I soon became the only target. I did what I could, I had Justin Jackson’s neck, clenched with my teeth, and I bit as hard as I could while trying to dig out his eyes. After a few minutes a teacher broke it all up. I was hurt, but Justin was bleeding from his eyeball and crying like a toddler. We were both taken to the office and our parents were called. Mr. Servinak formed a meeting with our dads to resolve the matter, George didn’t speak much English and started swearing at Justin’s dad with furious anger, and George had his hand in his coat pocket where he kept an eight inch army knife. Justin’s dad didn’t say much and quickly left the room.
The next day I was afraid to go to school, George told me to not worry, as he dropped me off by the front doors, easy for him to say, there wasn’t anybody outside, the bell had already rang. As I walked past the big oak trees, I saw a foot behind the bark of the tree, I was attacked, buy five boys one of them with a white patch covering his eye like a pirate, I tried to fight back, but I was out numbered and I was trying to cover my face from the kicks coming at me. All of a sudden a couple of boys were on the ground crying, worse then me, and than I heard that loud smack again, Justin fell on top of me and rolled on the grass, the last boy ran for his life, George picked me up of the ground, I wiped my tears and the dirt off my jacket, my jeans had a green grass stain on the knee, and my face had a huge grin on it. The assailants were on the floor crying. George hit them like they were grown men. I ran into the school, and those kids never even looked at me again.
Yesterday was Halloween, I got so much candy. I went trick or treating twice, John and I went until we were the last ones outside. On our way home, only two blocks from the house, this older kid about six feet tall with a black hood covering his face, started walking behind us. I knew something was wrong, John whispered to me hold your bag tight, I didn’t understand what was happening, he kept getting closer and closer. Than out of no where, he snatched Johns bag with a very hard tug, he almost ripped Johns arm out of his socket. The assailant ran with the bag of candy. We were so scared; I was happy he didn’t take my candy; I walked like two miles for that. John started weeping tears running down his face, cursing out loud all the way home. I ran inside to my first stash of candy, so I could put my fortune together. Oh no, almost half of my candy was gone, mom had been passing out my treats because she had ran out. I was so upset, nearly crying inside. I said, “It’s not your fucking candy,” as loud as I could. Halloween was only once a year and we rarely got any sweets. That was the first time I ever raised my voice at mom, I was so enraged. I didn’t see the boot fly across the room, like a baseball that smacked me right in the eye. There goes that bright white light again; I don’t know how I ended up under the table. I’m trying to cry but that heavy boot knocked the wind out of me, I’m trying to gasp for air, but I feel like a fish trying to breathe out of water. About two minutes later I was finally able to cry and breathe, thank god. I thought I was dying. Mom was holding my head in her arms, apologizing asking me if I was ok. Mom looked as if she was really sorry, I never seen her apologize for hitting me. Maybe she saw how much I was in pain and she wouldn’t ever hit me again, or maybe it’s because George seen her launch that boot at my face, he jumped out of his chair and started calling her every name in the book. With his fist clenched tight as he swung it in the air every time he cursed. He was really mad, I could sense moms fear. Trust me it takes a lot to get George to stand up out of his chair. This was a moment in history, but his temper slowly calmed down after mom crept out of sight like a slithering snake, besides I didn’t want her comfort, it didn’t seem real, and I could feel it was cold as ice.
My dad picked me up. I had a huge black eye and my lip was as big as a golf ball. My mom stayed in her room most of the day. Later that night she told me I didn’t have to go to school for a few days, I couldn’t believe it; maybe mom was sorry she hit me. The next morning my lip wasn’t swelled up that bad, but my eye wouldn’t open, John and Kayser started calling me spot because of the purple ring around my eye, but that didn’t last long. Mom slapped Kayser across the face so hard, his smile turned to tears. I’m so happy, first she apologized, then she defended me, this was great. I didn’t go to school for six days, I spent the days drawing pictures and watching woody woodpecker. Mom said I didn’t have to go to school until my eye wasn’t purple anymore. She even called the school and told my principal I had pneumonia, and I would return to school as soon as I got better. I was so happy, mom was finally nice to me, she even made me soup every morning, life is good.
After my wounds healed, me and mom’s relationship got back to normal, there was no more hot soup in the morning, and her voice changed from soft to evil. Kayser even dragged me across the floor by my hair because of the slap my former bodyguard gave him a few days earlier. I knew it was too good to be true.
Two days later, I accidentally didn’t shut the cabinet door in the kitchen. I got five slaps to the face. I’ve been hit so many times, it hurt her hand more than it hurt me, and mom knew it. I seldom ever cried anymore, and rarely covered my face showing terror, unless she had a weapon. I would always daydream of the day I grew older, one day I will be big and strong, and I could break her hand in two like that stick, but for now I have to accept it. She could see it in my eyes, when she beat her fist on me; it only built hate not fear.
Not everyday was a sad day, it was November, it was so could outside, and all you could see is white snow. John was outside building a snow fort with Kayser, John opened the door and told Frank and I to get outside he needed us to make snowballs. We put on our one piece snowsuits, mine was red and Franks was orange. I had this pink pair of mittens; you know the kind where the fingers don’t separate. When we got outside John took me on his team and Frank went on Kayser’s, but Kayser hardly had a fort made, so they hid behind a snow man that only had half of the body left due to several days of melting, he had been helping John build his fort for about an hour. We gave them time to gather snowballs, that they had made and kept on an aluminum garbage can lid, we threw snowballs back and forth, barely anyone got hit, and we mostly hid behind our barricades. It was so much fun. John sent me to run behind their snowman and told me to hit Kayser with a snowball and stomp on their snowballs. I threw it right in his face, he never seen it coming, and I jumped in the air and landed on their artillery. I turned and ran the plan was great. We played all day until our fingers where frozen like popsicles.

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